So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
