I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
