According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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