I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
