I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My cat gives me a boner
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
