We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
