I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
how does that bad decision feel?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
