I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
