she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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