My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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