All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize