theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
