we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
