theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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