I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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