Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
