Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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