if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize