Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
