All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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