john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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