you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
so much tequila, so little girl.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
