she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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