i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
