I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
