I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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