Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
