farters have to be the big spoon...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
