Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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