How'd it feel making her break her religion?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
