Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
