therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
