so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
