the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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