My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
