It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
