after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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