First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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