This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He has the fingertips of a God
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
