I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
