Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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