I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
