Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
