I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
