i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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