Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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