did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
