I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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