It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
