So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is Oprah even human
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
