I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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