Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
