All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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