I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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