I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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