hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
