I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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