So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
