My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
