my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
