my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
ttyl tear gas
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
