i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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