Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
