I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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