Just mADE A PArabola og urine
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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