We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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