I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
