i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
