just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My feet surprised me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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