i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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