I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
